Tuesday, February 8, 2011

February's Dino of the Month: Velociraptor

Lets get one thing straight right off the bat: the "Velociraptor" thats pictured in Jurassic Park does not exist. The thing pictured in Jurassic Park was more of a cross between a Deinonychus (size) and a Troodon (brains). I'm pretty sure that the only reason they were called Velociraptors in that movie is because its a cool name for a dinosaur. The real Velociraptor was only about a foot and a half tall ... and they were feathered. They are basically giant chickens.

Bak Bak!

So where were these ultra mega chickens found? If you said American Southwest, you would be very wrong! These guys were actually native to Mongolia. They are disgusting filthy Mongols... gross!

Also remember that part where the Velociraptors are chasing those little white children through the research lab, and they are smart enough to open a door in order to find the children? This was totally 100% impossible. First off, given the size of their brains relative to their bodies, its highly improbable that these guys were smart at all. In fact, most modern day mammals are probably smarter than they were. Even if they were somehow smart, it would still be impossible for them to open that door. Their Radius and Ulna (Forearm bones) were articulated in such a way as to make rotating their wrists impossible. Their hands/claws were always oriented facing each other, as if they were about to clap.

Hopefully, I have completely ruined your image of the mighty Velociraptor. So what, if anything, were Velociraptors actually good at? Being internet memes!

TL;DR: Fuck you Spielberg.

1 comment:

  1. What about when Sam Neill talks to the raptors in Jurassic Park III? That's real, right?