Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Kirby's Epic Yarn Review

Supreme Court Justices Alito and Sotomayor are back along with Princess Peach to bring you another game review! This time, the three of them sat down and played through the amazingly cute Kirby's Epic Yarn.

Kirby's Epic Yarn
Platform: Nintendo Wii
Genre: Platformer
Developer: Good-Feel
Publisher: Nintendo
Release Date: 10/17/2010
Metacritic Score: 89

Princess Peach: I just wanted to point out before we begin, that our viewpoints on this game are based around co-op multi-player only. We felt like that was the intended way to play the game.

Justice Sotomayor: Yeah the three of us took turns playing it together. It just took us awhile since Alito and I were swamped with recent cases.

Justice Alito: Yeah like that violent video game case ... that prosecutor was a nutjob. After playing a game like Kirby, it is really hard to justify regulating video games based on violence.

Justices Alito and Sotomayor play some Kirby during court recess.

Princess Peach: Well I just wanted to say that ... THIS GAME IS SO CUTE <3!!! I was squealing so much when I first started playing it that the whole castle thought I was getting kidnapped by Bowser!

Justice Alito: Well I just wanted to say that ... this game is easily one of the gayest games I've ever played.

Justice Sotomayor: WHAT?!

Justice Alito: Okay first off, this game is about knitting. Secondly, Kirby and Prince Fluff get to share a house together. Thirdly, the only motivation for actually trying to do well in this game, is that you can get objects to decorate your house with. Seriously, your only motivation is interior decorating! How is that not gay?

At least you get cool things to decorate with.

Justice Sotomayor: I am going to ignore your blatant stereotyping and generalizations for a second and ask you this: How do you know Kirby is even male, or any of the characters for that matter? I don't think sex or sexual orientation even exist in this world.

Justice Alito: Um ... two of the characters are named: PRINCE Fluff and KING Dedede. They are using gendered titles so clearly gender does in fact exist in this world. In addition, I think past installments in the series heavily imply that both Kirby and Meta-Knight are male. Hence, Kirby and Prince Fluff are gay for each other.

Princess Peach: Awwwww! They would be so cute together!

Justice Sotomayor: You know, now that I think about it, there isn't a single female character in the whole game. Assuming there is gender in this world like you say, why aren't there any female characters?

Justice Alito: I already told you: Its because this game is super gay! But seriously, if you actually played the game fully, you'll realize that there are some female characters. They move in next to Kirby and offer mini-game challenges. Don't you remember Beadtrix?

Princess Peach: I think we're getting a little bit side...

Justice Sotomayor: Whatever ... regardless there are no female MAIN characters. And now that I think about it, this game is a little bit racist too. That sleazy landlord in Patch Land is clearly Italian! I think Nintendo needs to be a little more race and gender sensitive.

The Landlord is clearly Italian.

Princess Peach: Okay can we please get back on track here! What did you two like about the game? Please only mention actual game play.

Justice Alito: Well I'm going to be a bit honest here: I'm not very good at most video games. This game is pretty easy and you can take it at a very leisurely pace. As I mentioned before, your only real motivation is interior decorating, so unless you are actually trying to find the furniture in each level, the game is a breeze.

Justice Sotomayor: I liked that as well. It was a refreshing change of pace from even most platformers. If you went for all of the secrets in the game, then the game can actually be quite challenging. Some of the regular levels towards the end are hard too, but you can't die in this game, so I never really felt any pressure.

Justice Alito: Some of the mini-game challenges in this game are almost impossible. I just stopped doing them after a while.

Princess Peach: I really appreciated how innovative some of the levels were, especially the ones in which Kirby transformers into objects! For instance, I thought all of the UFO levels were very well done and super cute to boot!

Justice Alito: Urgghh. That just reminded me of that fucking train ...

Princess Peach: Please watch your language, there are ladies present!

Justice Sotomayor: No hes right for once, that train was a bitch.

Princess Peach: My heavens!

Worst power up ever.

Justice Alito: It was impossible to control and it took me forever to even figure out how to get it off the ground and onto the tracks. It was incredibly awkward and I'm glad it was only present on a couple of levels.

Justice Sotomayor: I didn't really like the power ups in which one person had all of the control ... like the Dune Buggy for instance. The other player always felt left out. I imagine those levels were different in single player, but I would like to think there was a better way they could've handled them in multi-player.

Justice Alito: I thought you socialist types liked working together for a common cause?

Justice Sotomayor: Excus...

Princess Peach: Okay! Lets just give everyone our final score!

Justice Sotomayor: FINE! I give this game a 90/100.

Justice Alito: I also give this game a 90 ... but only because my children would kill me if I gave it anything less.

Princess Peach: I think the game is a 90 out of 100 too! Isn't it nice to all be in agreement with each other! :)

Justice Sotomayor: NO!

Kirby's Epic Yarn Gets a 90 out of 100!

1 comment: