Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Muramasa: The Demon Blade Review

I've been meaning to write a review on Muramasa for a very long time. I wrote my preview for this game over a year ago, but I didn't actually pick up a copy of the game until a few months ago. Ultimately, laziness has prevailed and I decided to call in a panel of judges to review the game for me. Hopefully I can convince this panel to do all of my game reviews for me. Without further ado, let me introduce the judges to you:

Conservative Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito. He was nominated by President George W. Bush and has served on the Supreme Court since January 31, 2006.

Liberal Supreme Court Justice Sonya Sotomayor. She was nominated by President Obama and has served on the Supreme Court since August 2009. She is the Supreme Court's first Hispanic justice, and its third female justice.
Princess Peach, ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom. She is one of the most famous damsels in distress in history.

Muramasa, the Demon Blade
Platform: Nintendo Wii
Genre: Action Role-Playing Game
Developer: Vanillaware
Publisher: Ignition Entertainment
Release Date: September 8, 2009
Metacritic Score: 81

Sotomayor: So, I think I'll start out by saying that overall I really enjoyed this game. The graphics were beautiful, the story was engaging, and I appreciated that there was both a male and female viewpoint in the game.

Alito: Woah, hold on there. Did you just say this story was engaging? I couldn't even figure out what those Japs were saying half the time, much less follow the story.

Sotomayor: I thought that it was refreshing that they left the Japanese voices in the game instead of dubbing them over with bad English voiceovers.

Alito: They didn't do a good job of translating the subtitles though. I would've at least liked the option of changes the voice over language. 

Sotomayor: Not every Japanese game needs to suppress its native roots by dubbing over the traditional voice overs.

Peach: Umm ... excuse me... I believe that we are a little bit off topic now. 

Alito: Well what I'm basically trying to say is, when you combine the bad translations with the relatively small amount of storyline dialogue per act, you get a story which is very hard to follow. Most of the time I didn't even know why I was supposed to go somewhere. Like when playing the girl's storyline, I found myself sneaking into Hell at one point and I had no idea why I even had to do that.

Princess Momohime meets a Demon in Hell.

Sotomayor: That brings me to my next point actually. Momohime's storyline was much more difficult than Kisuke's. It was like the game was trying to make you work harder for playing the girl.

Alito: Nonsense. Both of the storylines were easy. All you had to do was mash buttons every battle and you'd eventually win.

Peach: I thought the game was really hard. I had to make Mario beat the bosses for me. :)

Alito: Besides Sotomayor, if you were actually paying attention to the storyline you'd know that Momo-whatever-her-name-is didn't actually do any of the fighting. You were actually playing a man who was possessing the princess the entire time. So you can't really say that it was less fair for the girl, since technically you play as a dude in both stories.

Sotomayor: But that just illustrates another problem with the game. This game is incredibly chauvinistic. Just look at how they portrayed the fox spirits:

Peach: I think she looks really pretty there.

Sotomayor: Her boobs are about to fly out of that Kimono!

Alito: Look, we're getting off topic again. Is there anything else you girls wanted to say about the game?

Peach: I think the game looks really pretty. The music is nice too!

Sotomayor: When I first heard of the game, I had thought that it was more of an action RPG. When I picked it up I was a bit disappointed that it was basically a Beat Um Up with very minor RPG elements.

Alito: I'm just glad I didn't pay full price for this game. I enjoyed the game overall, but I think I would have had to sue Ignition to get my money back if I had picked up this game at full price.

Sotomayor: I really disliked all of the repetitive back tracking you had to do in game. The gameplay was much too linear. Go to this point halfway around the world, fight a boss, rinse and repeat. I dislike having to do work.

Alito: Yeah your kind usually does. They'd rather just be on welfare huh?

Peach: Um...excuse me... let's play nice together okay? :) I believe we have to give this game our final score.

Sotomayor: I say this game deserves a solid 75 out of 100.

Alito: Urrghh... more like a 65 out of 100.

Peach: I would give it an 80 out of 100. Which means the games final score is...

73 out of 100!


  1. This panel of Judges was really in true form. I can't believe Sotomayor threw in her notorious, "Her boobs are about to fly out of that Kimono!" line. She usually reserves that one for only the most serious cases.

  2. I hope Obama notices Peach's objective yet firm handling of the issues.

  3. Peach is a natural to replace Ginsburg.

  4. Ruiz, if you had to explain your point criteria, how would you define it?

  5. Umm ... I can't really. Its just if I had to give Muramasa a metacritic score it would be a 73. I just took three scores that would average to about 73 and distributed them to it would make sense per character.

  6. But why have 73 when you can just do 7.3?

  7. Because Metacritic does things out of 100 and it rules the industry.